A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A CANCER PATIENT

As with any cancer patient, I am frequently asked how I am doing. And as with any cancer patient, the answer is, well, complicated. So I thought I would elaborate not for the sake of sympathy, but to create a window for others to peer into the daily life of a cancer patient. In so doing I hope to raise some awareness of the plight of not just cancer patients, but also other terminally or chronically ill people.

Cancer patients and other ill and disabled people are usually regular people like you and formerly me. One day we felt something and went to the Dr. hoping it was no big deal. With most of us, that one Dr. Appointment changed our lives, often the rest of our lives. We measure our lives as before and after that Dr. Appointment. Things are not the same as they were before, mostly worse. We are all one Dr. Appointment away from such a life change.

I can never predict what any 24 hour period will be like for me. I seldom get excited about anything and dread the slightest challenge. I can schedule this or that and can usually follow through with what I have scheduled, but sometimes have to drag my way through it. Keep in mind my schedule is nothing like it used to be. I work about 10 hours a week. I sleep more and take naps. I try to not schedule more than one event per day like a Real Estate appointment or coffee with a friend or an hour or two project at home. Only one. A couple of hours is usually the limit. Energy for a given day is like sand in an hourglass. When it’s gone, it’s gone. The rest of the day is rest or I will pay dearly the next day or up to several days. Life is like climbing a hill every day and never reaching the top. All this to say that fatigue is a huge part of the new life of most cancer patients.

Side effects from treatments are a significant part of the cancer patient’s new life. Like the fatigue mentioned above, they affect every day and night. For instance, I have infected fingernails and toenails. This is something that one wouldn’t even think of as a side effect. It is amazing how painful they can be. And it is amazing how often you use every finger! Typing is painful. Putting socks or other clothes on is painful. And I seem to be forever bumping my fingers into something! So I treat them daily in hopes of some relief.

I have had up to 30 mouth sores at a time. We all know how painful and irritating one mouth sore can be. Multiply that times 30. I am seldom without some mouth sores and treat them throughout the day and night. Eating and keeping on the weight is a constant challenge. Often one’s appetite suffers. Many cancer patients die from malnutrition. Sleeping is not easy. So I take pills to do that too. “Chemo brain” is what we call that inability to remember things or think straight. I often have no idea what the name of the person I am talking to is.

I hesitate to bring this up but most cancer patient’s bathroom visits change drastically with chemo. And not for the better! Sometimes it is often and usually it’s intense! Sores develop, blood from areas that aren’t supposed to bleed, and cramps. Life can be going as expected and then the unexpected calls! So I take medication throughout the day and night to try to beat the bowels into submission.

Often cancer patients experience frequent nausea. Sometimes we spend days in bed. Talking is exhausting. Phone calls often have to wait. Going to church requires lots of rest before and after. Life is just plain challenging every day. And this doesn’t include when surgery is necessary, financial hardships, insurance battles, clueless well-meaning friends declaring the next great cure for cancer and questions like “Where is your faith?”

Close family and caregivers suffer considerably too. They try to help all they can but still have to watch someone they love suffer every day and night. They are with them through the victories and defeats. They love the patient when the patient is irritable or slowly becomes someone who looks nothing like the loved one they once knew.

Add to this the terminal prognosis. For years I have looked death in the eyes every day. And they still tell me it’s coming. It’s hard to explain the effect this has on the everyday life of both the patient and loved ones. Every scan brings what we call in the cancer world, “scanxiety”. What will the next scan reveal? Will things be better or worse? Will it announce the need for yet another drug and subsequent new side effects, or will it announce the beginning of the end?

Well, again, I am not looking for anyone’s sympathy. The grace of our great, compassionate God is sufficient for the day. I just want to communicate what most of us don’t’ think of when we are healthy. I know I didn’t. Life for the ill has completely changed. It is a challenge every day and night. I add night because night is a very big part of the struggle for the ill. I think of those chronically but not terminally ill I have known for years. I never really considered what they go through every day. I certainly never did much to help them. I prayed for them occasionally but casually. Not anymore. I feel their pain and pray like I get it. Maybe a brief window into the life of the ill or disabled will help you consider how you can help make their lives and world a little bit more tolerable. Help them with a project at home. Bring them a meal. Go with them to an appointment if they have no one to go with them (and you don’t know that unless you ask!) Send them a card or message that you are thinking of them. And most of all, pray like it is you suffering. You are just one Dr. Appointment away from being them.

 

IT’S CANCER: THE NEW NORMAL

In spite of a good remission type experience for over a year they still tell me I am terminal. I am given little or no hope for survival. While I respect the medical field and appreciate all they are doing for me, I will leave the prognosis up to my God, not my Doctor. As I’ve said before, if I have a 5% chance of survival for five years, those are much better odds than 0! It’s not the easiest job, but someone has to be the 5%! I love the verse, “Through our God we shall do valiantly, it is He who will tread down our enemies…” We are so blessed to experience trials as believers instead of unbelievers. We encounter many unbelievers fighting cancer or some other horrible challenge and it generally isn’t pretty. Thank you, Lord, for your ever-presence.

As of this writing our cancer journey has lasted 19 months, much longer than most thought it would. I have settled into a new normal that has been my normal for about a year. Every morning between 6:30 and 7:00 am I get up and take my chemo pill. About two hours later I can eat. My appetite has been real good throughout my entire treatment which is a huge blessing. A large number of cancer patients die due to complications from malnutrition. Sometimes I take a nap after breakfast, sometimes I wait till afternoon. Some days I only take one nap, and some days several or nearly all day in bed.

Because of the side effects I only work part time. After 17 years of selling Real Estate, I enjoy it as much as ever and we are thankful for the income. Heather is now licensed and works part time too. We are enjoying our partnership in the business and she is doing well with it. All our bills continue to get paid. Walks are no longer a given. Bike riding, something I really enjoy, is seldom an option. We are selling our camper because it’s too much work. We are not involved in church activities because of inability to cope with the demands. But along with the limitations has been the opportunity to write. I write this blog about four times a week, and have several books I am working on. The first one, the ABCs of the Bible is nearly complete. The next one, Praying the Psalms, should be complete by the end of the year. This is proving to be very rewarding and an opportunity to put my convictions down in written form.

Like any cancer patient, we live from scan to scan. We feel pretty good about the future, but when scan time comes every three months, it brings a dose of reality back for about a week. I wouldn’t say we fear a return of the cancer, but are very aware that solid believers die every day from cancer. We are at the Lord’s mercy, and are comfortable resting there.

As a family we like to take vacations and enjoy the special family time that comes with a getaway. Extra things like this help the girls to not feel like they are always living with a cancer patient. This year we have three planned: A road trip in the end of May, the details which I cannot disclose because it is a surprise for the kids. This will be a physical challenge for me but the schedule is loose in case Dad needs to crash for a day or two. For around 20 years the Erickson family, usually 25-30 people, rent cabins up north and spend an entire week together. We are not just family but also great friends. We expect to go again this year. And this year is our fifth wedding anniversary. On our honeymoon we went on a cruise and said we would like to do it again on our fifth. We have been saving a little here and there for a while and have booked a cruise in October. This also will be a physical challenge but I hope to acclimate to the ship movement and have a good week.

We have regular contact with the three older children that live on their own and they are doing well and contending for Dad to experience a miracle. The younger three at home see Dad with all his challenges first hand every day. They are very loving and are great cheerleaders. They have an occasional emotional set back but remain strong in their faith and optimistic for many more years of great life as a family.

So the new normal has set in. Most things I schedule I don’t look forward to but try to figure out how to endure them. Yet somehow life is good and we are thankful. You are part of this journey and we greatly appreciate all your help these past 19 months. God bless you, dear friends!

To read other “It’s Cancer” editions, click on to “Dan’s Battle with Cancer” in the right column.

 

IT’S CANCER: OUR HEROS

Being diagnosed with a life threatening disease, and all the related difficulties that go with it, has been an interesting study in the reaction of the family of God, the Church. I hear from others in crisis, that they have been let down by their brothers and sisters in Christ. I am happy to testify of the opposite for me and my family to this day.

From the time I was diagnosed, there was a flood of concern. I actually had to turn off the facebook chat and not answer my phone because there was no break. It was such a difficult, emotional time, that I delegated the job of updates to others. It was a good idea. Everyone still got the details and we were able to deal with our emotions and acclimating to this new bad news.

The one exception to the outpouring of concern was the lack of calls and emails Heather received. A few of her dear friends and family talked to her, and checked on how she and the girls were doing. I heard about the people praying for them, but she didn’t, so this part of our journey was very lonely and frightening for her. Often the patient gets the bulk of concern and attention. This is, of course, is common. Even though God hears the prayers, it is so important that the people being prayed for have that assurance that they are being prayed for.

Soon I was getting invitations to come to prayer meetings for believers to pray for me. I went to most of them. It was clear that this was beyond our ability to overcome on our own, so our merciful God was a welcome partner in the battle. People would corner me in church, at the Real Estate office, at restaurants, in parking lots and lay hands on me and pray for me, (and they still do).

Dear friend with a major challenge in your life: Let your brothers and sisters know about your difficulties and let them to pray for you. When you are being prayed for, you know all is being done that can be.  It is out of your hands and in the hands of your heavenly father- and that’s a good place to leave it.

During the first few months of chemo when I felt awful, several loved ones stepped up and brought us meals. Although Heather could still physically cook meals, there were days when due to the schedule of appointments, and the sheer emotional exhaustion, it was difficult to even remember to take something out of the freezer, let alone to plan and make a meal for our family. What a blessing this was every single time. And oh, what delicious meals!

Often when someone faces a major illness or the like they also suffer financially. In my case, I could work very little due to being so sick and to this day, still only work part time. Soon a bag of groceries would come, a bill was paid, or checks and cash started showing up. We never missed paying a bill in spite of very challenging financial circumstances. My brothers and sister set up a fundraising effort related to their exercising habits and also a benefit concert. Again, the money and support came in, always enough, always on time. We were even given an all-expense paid vacation at a cabin last summer. Over and over the blessings flowed and great gratitude goes to all who heard the call and helped.

If you are wondering if you should give money to someone in a crisis situation, ask them about their needs. Most often there is a need. Your gift of any size, along with others will help ease their burden in the time of trouble. Someone was so thoughtful to give us some gas cards to help with the many extra trips to the doctor, slippers, and a robe for the days it was tough to even get dressed. There are way too many kindnesses to list them all. Each one was special.

I anticipated a decrease in prayers by the saints as my condition improved or as time went on.  But to my pleasant surprise I am often reminded that my brothers and sisters in Christ are still praying faithfully! Occasionally someone we don’t even know still contacts us, and informs me that they are still praying regularly for me and my family. Much love and concern still comes our way regularly. We have experienced the family of God being the family of God in a big way.

Not all are as blessed as we are when trouble hits. Some get lost in a large church. Some aren’t involved in their church. Others aren’t hooked up to a smaller group. Many do not have the blessing of a loving Christian family. Look for those in need, and help fill their needs! Do unto others as you would have them do unto you! Thank you, dear family of God, for all your blessings!

For more “Its Cancer” posts click on to Dan’s Battle with Cancer in the right column.